1) Provide what help you can, as needed and asked for.

If you’ve managed to land a job lately, you’re a prime candidate for providing this help. The job market has changed a lot, and it’s not as easy as it used to be. Still, even those who found jobs a couple decades ago will still have some good, timeless advice, so long as they can adapt it to the job market today. Help with resumes, cover letters, and even making applications as appealing as possible can go a long way. Even knowing when it is a good time to make follow up calls is helpful information to many job seekers, as this is not common knowledge. All the little things that may seem obvious to you aren’t obvious to others, so point them out when possible.

2) Support, don’t nag.

Pop quiz. What’s the best way to make someone not want to look for a job? Nagging them about it. This is true of most anything, but when you’ve applied to twenty different places in the past month, and been turned down at all of them, the last thing you want to hear is how you should try harder, put in more time job searching, and just get a job already. By this point, a job seeker’s self esteem has already often taken a huge hit, and piling more on top of that isn’t going to help. Instead, gently direct them to places and people that may be able to help and other possible opportunities. Also, be sure to congratulate them on their victories, such as landing an interview. While they may seem like small victories, sometimes, they’re the best encouragement you can get.

3) Don’t act like it’s the job seeker’s fault he still doesn’t have a job.

This goes hand in hand with the above point. This is a huge self-esteem killer, and on top of that, is very likely to make the dedicated job hunter annoyed with you, cutting off your chances of helping them out. It’s true that some people don’t want a job, but the ones who are out looking are trying, and treating them as though they aren’t is not going to sit well with them. The economy is in still in the tank, even if it’s possibly getting better now, and it’s still difficult to find employment. There’s no sense in blaming this on the person trying to overcome it.

4) Job search sites are helpful, but not everything.

Use all reputable, available job search sites to find potential job opportunities. It’s way easier than looking for now hiring signs, which many places don’t even put up anymore. Still, encourage job seekers to do as much in person as possible, since establishing a connection with other people at the job will help in getting hired. This isn’t always possible, but it should be done whenever it is.

5) Don’t get discouraged if they don’t take every tip you give them.

Sometimes, job seekers know something you might not. For instance, you might know someone is good with computers, so you send them a bunch of IT and computer analyst jobs. What you don’t know, but the job seeker does, is that just being “good with computers” doesn’t qualify them for these jobs, and that additional training or knowledge may very well be required. This doesn’t mean you can’t show them how they may be qualified for a position they think they aren’t qualified for, just bear in mind there might be more to the job than you understand.

Hopefully, these tips can help you better assist someone in finding a job. Positive support will go a long way toward keeping them motivated and applying, and new tips and tricks can help them polish their technique. Good luck to you and those you may be helping.

Here are some things people have done that have had a big impact on me, even though they are small things:

-I’ve been asked me why I was angry all the time, and what I was going to accomplish by it. This person was concerned about me and how I dealt with things, and wanted me to be able to express what I wanted productively. Thinking about it, I realized I would accomplish nothing by lashing out the way I used to, and it would be more constructive to do something about the reason I was angry instead of just yelling.

-Invited me out to a gathering of people and engaging me. I’m an introverted person, and I don’t talk much unless I have something to say. By talking to me and pulling me into the conversation with others present, they pulled me into the group and included me, making me realize how much I valued relationships with other people. Since then, I’ve realized it’s good to put in a lot of effort to make good friends and spend time with them, and do so often.

-Told me all the good things that they saw in me. Let’s just say it was a rough time in my life, and hearing that gave me a much needed confidence boost to realize I could push on and make things better.

-Invited me into the dorm community at college. Three people in particular went out of their way to make me feel included in the things that were going on in both our dorm and around campus at large. That made me feel like it was safe to put myself out there and get to know people, which helped me make a lot more friends and get to know people better. Not only that, but it makes social situations easier for me to this day. It probably helped that a lot of us were huge geeks anyway.

-I’ve thought about doing a few things just because it’s assumed you should by society at large. Then I thought about what a couple close friends would think of it and realized it would be really stupid to follow through. Just by being friends with me and accepting of me, they stopped me from doing some stupid things.

So yeah, those are just some examples. They’re all small things, and a lot of people do these kinds of things without even really thinking about it. But they really do matter. Sometimes, if one person doesn’t do it, someone else will. Other times, it really takes someone close to a person to get the message across, and just being close to that person is significant all on it’s own. In any case, don’t underestimate how you’ve effected others in your life. You’ve probably done more than you know, unless you’re extremely aware of how people react to you. So if you’re wondering what you’ve done that’s worthwhile, just think of the little things. They usually matter more than you realize.

Of course, not everyone will agree with which parts are interesting, but that’s not the point. The point is that people will find you interesting. Furthermore, there are some things people just don’t know, and possibly won’t ever know, about all of us. But if it were ever published as a story, people would love it. Learn to recognize this, and you may find your life less bland and more exciting. You may also learn to accept the bad in life as a challenge to overcome instead of something that’s dragging you down, though there are certainly other ways to do that.

Here are some examples from my life:

-I’ve informally studied various forms of magic and the paranormal since the seventh grade. I’m still learning new things about it and related topics over ten years later.

-I had a friend who got herself locked into a pair of real handcuffs, thinking we had the key to them. We didn’t. We needed to get help from a real police officer to get them off.

-I was an outcast when I was younger. I had no social grace and didn’t know how to empathize with others. As I grew up, I slowly learned to do these things. While I’m still a little socially awkward, I have tons of friends now and love getting out and being around others.

-On a related note, I’ve always had a strong sense of wanting to do the right thing. Unfortunately, when I was younger I thought this meant blindly following the rules. As I grew up, I learned that just as often, it means challenging those rules which are unjust or immoral. And actually discovering what is moral and just.

-I went to college to learn more about things that interest me and to push my social boundaries. Finding a job was of secondary importance to me. In hindsight, this may have been a bad idea, but it still led to me growing a lot as a person, and I don’t think I’d take back that decision.

I may elaborate on some of these in the future (if I haven’t in other posts already), and I also may not. To me, this is just normal, but other people I’ve talked to seem to think it’s either cool, or find themselves identifying with me on a particular point because it’s something they’ve found others don’t relate to as well. Some of you may find one or more of those things I mentioned interesting. Others may think they’re positively bland. I’m willing to bet most readers will be interested by at least one point though.

In any case, if you really think life is boring, examine your personality and events in your life and think about the story they all weave together. I bet you’ll find your life isn’t as boring or normal as you think it is.

There are a lot of reasons guys might want to keep in touch with an ex-girlfriend after a breakup. Certainly hope of continuing sex might be one of those reasons. Another one, and the reason I usually keep in touch afterward, is that it could be that the guy actually values the friendship he had with the woman he was dating. This might be a shocker to people who buy into all the stereotypes about men out there, but we have feelings too, and a relationship not working out doesn’t mean we don’t care. It means that we didn’t work out as a couple, or we’re confused about what we want, or any number of other possibilities. A third possibility is that after breaking up, the guy realized he did something really dumb in dumping the woman, and wants to get back together. He might also not know if it’s a good idea to do so, so he contacts the woman in question to get a feel for if she’d be open to that.

There are likely other possibilities I’m not thinking of here. The point is, some dating expert can’t just read a letter with such a common situation and pick out the most likely scenario, because relationships and people are too different. He did admit he could be wrong about this, but he also only offered one possibility of what the guy in this situation was thinking. And, it was also the possibility that fits common stereotypes. Why is this I wonder? Does he not want to think about the situation in more depth? Is he giving the answer least likely to cause the woman pain, even though if he’s wrong and she finds out, it could be even worse? Is he saying what he thinks the public wants to hear? Does he truly believe this is the way men are? I don’t know. But this kind of thing always baffles me.

Another possibility is that he was aiming to give a concrete answer, without simply saying it could be anything. Unfortunately, it really could be just about anything. The best thing anyone in a situation like this can do is talk to her partner about it. I’m not saying blind trust is a good idea, as he could indeed be trying to manipulate the situation to his advantage. But he does know himself best, so he’s the best person to talk to about what he feels. Besides which, if you’re looking for friendship or a return to a relationship, I should hope you have some measure of trust for the person you’re dealing with. You can still be careful, and still look for warning signs he might not be completely up front, but talking about things can be very helpful.

In the end, I really want people to keep in mind a couple things. Not all men are just after some easy sex. This is a common stereotype, but I know many men who deeply value their friendships and relationships, and it’s an unfair stereotype with which to judge a random person you’ve never met. The other point is the best way to find out what’s going on with someone else is to talk to that person. This requires some faith and trust, but many men really do have good intentions. Certainly get a second opinion, but try to get it from someone who understands that not all stereotypes are true of all people.