Some Thoughts On Gay Rights and Gay Marriage

Apr 7th, 09 / 0 Comments

While I’m a supporter of gay rights, I can’t say I’ve been particularly involved in the community. That is to say, while I’ve always defended their rights in conversation with others, I’ve never been involved in any organized effort. But, I feel the need to share a few views here that I hope might help, though it’s entirely possible that this has been thought of already.

First, regarding civil unions and marriage, this whole deal with using separate terminology isn’t going to work. Separate terms lead to separate classes of citizenry. Certainly, having civil unions could be called progress, but it also sets a double standard. None of this is anything new to the movement. I saw an idea on a piece on the Huffington Post that I really liked though: for all couples, heterosexual, homosexual, or any other lifestyle, make civil unions the legal form of marriage, the contract that two people enter into, and have it accessible to any two people. The term marriage will then be reserved purely for religious and spiritual purposes, and will be unregulated by the state. There are plenty of churches and religious groups who would perform a marriage ceremony for homosexual couples. And the marriage would be all about spiritual laws, while the civil union would be what is used to insure all legal rights that are currently reserved for marriage.

Of course, this won’t happen overnight, though I hope to see it happen someday. In the meantime, I have a suggestion for homosexual couples who are up for it. Get married anyway. Then, whenever it’s not a legal issue (for instance, don’t claim you’re married on your taxes, it won’t go well), tell everyone that you’re married to your partner. If they talk about the legality of it, simply explain that while it’s not a legal marriage, you are spiritually married and that marriage is recognized by your religious group, even if not by the state. Make it a point to use the term marriage, because as more people do so, it will undermine groups who want to define marriage as between a man and a woman. If everyone else uses the term marriage for all couples, it will come to be seen that way. Then, it will be easier to claim your right to marry legally as well as spiritually. If this were successful enough, it might not even be necessary to separate marriage and civil unions the way I described above, though I still think it would be a good idea, simply to have the secular issues dealt with secularly and the religious issues dealt with religiously.

I’m certainly aware that some couples wouldn’t want to do this. For some, they don’t like their relationship being in the open due to societal pressure. For others, they want to enjoy their relationship instead of spending their life pushing and pushing for equal rights. And there are certainly other valid reasons people might have for not doing this. The point is, for those who are in the right kind of committed relationship, and don’t have issues about being vocal about it, proclaiming their spiritual marriage will hopefully help make people see marriage as valid for all couples as time goes on.

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Social Justice

Job Market Dishonesty

Apr 7th, 09 / 2 Comments

Perhaps I shouldn’t be writing this as I’m still looking for a job. I feel a need to do so though. I will add one caveat: I know this doesn’t apply to absolutely every job-seeker or employer, but it covers a large number of them, and enough so I don’t feel it’s likely any job-seeker can get away from it.

Is it just me, or does the job market reek of dishonesty and shadiness? Think about it for a minute. Everyone acts “professional” for job interviews, even though it’s nothing like the real person. You kill your personality for the sake of “professionalism.” Is this really what employers want and need? I doubt it, yet it’s what they promote by looking for people who look “professional.”

What they need are people who know how to do the job. You know, actual professionals, not people who know how to play the part. This means they should look for qualifications, not appearances. I know this is likely to never happen in our world, but I suppose I can dream. For now, I obviously play the game too, but it really feels wrong to me, like I’m lying to get the job. There’s a part of me always saying in the back of my mind that this isn’t who I am. Perhaps my problem is that I can’t get rid of that voice, but honestly, I wouldn’t want to. Then I might lose myself.

Of course, employers are also guilty of lying in the ways everyone is socially conditioned to accept. They’re masters of the art of not giving a straight answer. Want that interview? Sure, they’ll call and let you know. By which they mean they won’t call, and you should call them again to show interest and initiative. Looking for people to show initiative is all well and good, but don’t lie about your intent guys. If you want people to call you, don’t tell them you’re going to call them. I know this isn’t how it works, but it always feels wrong to call back when they said they’d call you, like you’re breaking a request they made. This is exactly what they expect you to do though. Why hire someone who won’t give you the time to make the decisions you need to make though? Obviously, the request was made for a reason.

Then, they also want to keep you in the dark about salaries, wages, and benefits. This creates another dance of dishonesty, usually giving the employer the power in this case. Since you don’t know what they pay everyone else, you have to guess. Guess too low, you get a job that pays you less than you’re worth. Guess too high, they’ll hire someone else. Guess in the right range, and they might try to talk you down before hiring you. And research doesn’t always give you reliable results about what you should be earning either, so even if you’re prepared it’s still a guessing game. In any case, without honesty, there’s a need to pad what you think you should be earning with just the right extra so you can be talked down to what you want to earn. Is this really the way we want to do business? Shouldn’t we just lay out our expectations out front so everyone knows what we get out of the deal? Wouldn’t this be the sane way to do business? Still, I at least understand this particular layer of dishonesty. It’s all about getting the most money out of the deal.

I honestly don’t expect I’ll ever have my own business involving lots of employees. I don’t like to be in charge of other people or to delegate responsibility, so anything I do decide to start, I’ll likely try to do as a one man show, possibly with a friend or two as a partner. Still, in the event I ever do end up in charge of a business with lots of employees, I know I’ll have a very different hiring process than is the norm.

I just get irritated by the social expectations being so ingrained in everyone. Just be honest. Seriously. Say what you want and expect. Be clear. Don’t tell us you’ll do things that you won’t do. How are we supposed to trust you if that’s your hiring strategy? For once, just run an honest business at every level, both internally and externally. I know I’ve likely just scratched the surface, but frankly, these are the most irritating layers of dishonesty that are tied up in our society’s standard hiring and job-seeking practices.

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Jobs, Social Norms