Archive for April, 2009

Do Work You Love or Do Work You Need

Apr 28th, 09 / 2 Comments

It’s quite common to be told to find a job you love, or follow your passion and the money will follow. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always seem to work out so conveniently for everyone.

So what is one to do when they can’t earn a living from their passion, or at least they haven’t figured out a way to do so yet? My answer to this is if you can’t find a job you love, find a job that will let you do something else you need to do anyway. For instance, if you want to get a good workout, you might consider a job in construction. If you want to learn more about money, you might try banking. You might have to get creative, but the idea is to pick a job that will let you pursue something you’d like to pursue anyway, even if the job itself is about something different. Naturally, when you do this, you’ll need basic competency in the area you hope to work, otherwise you simply won’t be qualified for the job. But through working in a field relating to the area you’d like to improve, you’ll improve in that area through constantly working with it. Just hit whatever basic competency you need, and from there you’ll be golden.

Getting a job with this purpose in mind is good because you’ll be more motivated to go to work, since working will be helping you to meet a goal you have in addition to paying the rent. While it may not be doing what you love, it is killing two birds with one stone, so you have more time outside of work to dedicate to other things.

The reason I bring this up is that there are a lot of people looking for ways to do what they love, and they aren’t finding a way to do it. I’m one of them, though I’m still working on it. In the meantime, we may as well get the most out of the jobs we have. We may not love what we’re doing, but we can at least be happy about the results we get. As long as it’s not mind-numbing work, perhaps that will be enough until we move on to the really fun stuff. There’s no reason not to find a way to make work as good as you can make it until you find work or another career path you don’t need to make better.

Naturally, I’d always recommend you take the dream job first. But in the event it simply isn’t available to you, or won’t pay the bills, consider the alternative of using your job to meet another goal you may have while you work. Keep pursuing the dream job if you wish, just keep your backup plan something you won’t mind doing as well.

Related Posts:

Sponsored Link
Jobs

Bills, Loans, and Credit

Apr 22nd, 09 / 0 Comments

Now, I’m no credit expert, and if you’re looking for the really good (and more accurate) advice, you should talk to someone who is. However, I’ve been noticing something rather alarming lately: there are a lot of adults out there who seem to have no idea how not paying bills on time, in full, effects their credit, and they don’t know why they should care anyway. My hope in writing this is to get people to think more about credit, and willing to learn enough to make informed choices on their credit.

I’ve been told by a few people now not to worry about making loan payments in full, and to just pay enough to keep the lender off my back. Now, I don’t know if making less than minimum payments would actually do that, but I do know it would hurt my credit. When you don’t make the payments you say you’ll make, it hurts your credit, which is basically a measure of how much a  business can trust you to pay a bill or make a loan payment on time, and at the amount you agreed. If they can’t trust you to make the payments you say you will, they won’t do business with you.

This applies to other payments as well, such as rent, utility bills, and most similar types of bills. And when it comes to obtaining these services, the person you want to enter into an agreement with will check your credit to be sure they can trust you. Personally, I think this system is a little bit on the invasive side, and can harm people who have made one or two mistakes but on the whole did pretty well, but it’s what we have to work with unless it changes.

Now, another question is whether or not we really need credit. And the simple answer is that, unless you have a boatload of money, yes, you will most likely need credit, even if you never take out a loan to make a purchase outside of what you can afford in one lump sum. If you want a place to live, you’ll need credit to prove your willingness and ability to pay rent on time to your landlord, or to obtain the loan you need from a bank or credit union. You’ll also need it for utility companies, your cell phone bill, and possibly insurance companies (I’m not sure on this one). Assuming you do need good credit for insurance, this means you’ll need good credit to be able to drive in most states, even if you can afford a car outright with cash.

Certainly, there are other considerations as well. Some people get conned into making really bad agreements. Unfortunately, they do make the choice to enter into those agreements, and should honor them, while at the same time learning not to do so again. Naturally, an agreement that is illegal would be an exception to this, but I’m not sure if any poor agreements fall into illegal territory or not. Anyone who is in a poor agreement can attempt to renegotiate, or make a lot of noise about it to warn others, and both of these strategies may help, or they may not. I’d strongly suggest renegotiating first, as it’s nice to give people the benefit of the doubt and a chance to change, besides which, making some noise will possibly ruin chances of renegotiating. It can also help, but there’s no reason not to be civil first.

There’s also the possibility that a con artist has stolen someone’s identity, and ruined their credit for a quick buck. In this case, it’s not your fault, though you’ll want to learn some good security practices in the future. In the meantime, search out all legal recourse, and do the best you can. Unfortunately, I’m not sure if you can recover credit that’s been ruined by someone else any better than if you ruined it yourself. I believe it is easier, but still a long road, but I could be wrong. If I’m right, and it can’t be restored quickly, then this is one more reason I think the credit system would need reform or replacement.

Now, if you have bad or no credit, that doesn’t mean you absolutely won’t be able to do any of these things. It will put you at a disadvantage though, and you’ll likely have to search around for people willing to take a risk on you. You’ll also be in a bad position to try to haggle your way to a better deal, since you won’t have as many options. Still, I do know of some people who’ve overcome bad credit by finding alternative means to get what they need, and slowly built it back up to a point where they could use it to get what they want and need. Still, I’m hoping some people may read this so they can make an informed choice about how they handle their credit, rather than being surprised when they can’t get the things they want or need in building their life. However, when you consider that credit is a measure of how well you keep your agreements, it seems as though living honestly would lead to good credit. I certainly understand that bad things can happen, and cause people to have to make difficult financial choices though. Still, if you talk with all the companies involved, I think it’s fairly common to be able to make a deal in difficult times, which will hurt your credit considerably less than completely ignoring what you owe.

Related Posts:

Credit, Money

The Paranormal, Belief, and Skepticism

Apr 20th, 09 / 2 Comments

There’s something I’ve noticed about communities built around the paranormal. They seem to attract the die-hard skeptics who aren’t going to believe anything they read short of seeing an amazing, flashy display in person that demonstrates the paranormal is real. They also attract people ready to believe absolutely anything they read, because “anything’s possible” and “we should give them the benefit of the doubt, after all, this is all crazy.” I’m certainly not the first person to notice or comment on this, but I think this is something important to discuss.

Why do so many people feel the need to polarize so much on these beliefs? I’m guessing for the die-hard skeptics, it’s because they truly believe there is no way psychic powers could exist, or at the very least, it’s very doubtful. Furthermore, when they see psychics providing services, that would mean one of two things: the psychic is lying, or the psychic needs psychological help. Either way, it’s up to the skeptic to help out. In the case of the overly faithful, I think it’s a matter of feeling like they’re considered crazy, so they should give everyone else the benefit of the doubt, even on claims that are outlandish by the standards of the paranormal community. It’s not like we have a way of testing any of this after all.

Both groups have their own issues, as does the group I put myself in, which I’ll talk about in a minute. For the die-hard skeptics, they’re more or less unwilling to acknowledge the possibility of the paranormal. This is despite a long list of evidence, both in lab settings and through people’s experiences, that points to the possibility of their existence. For more on this, see Sean’s excellent list How to Prove Psychic Abilities are Real over at A Little Weird.

Now, I know all the science types are saying that experience doesn’t count, and I certainly understand that. In terms of proving something, replication in controlled circumstances is important. That’s what the scientific studies are provided for. They give us an objective viewpoint on all of this. Methods to experience psychic abilities are provided because, even with scientific evidence, we don’t exactly have concrete proof, other than to say something strange that we can’t explain is going on. Furthermore, even with complete proof, I think the existence of psychic abilities is something that would be hard to swallow without some kind of experience with them. After all, I have experience with them and I still doubt sometimes.

We also have the completely faithful, who believe anything about the paranormal that anyone tells them. I think this is because we simply don’t know enough about the paranormal. Since we don’t know much about it, no one knows when to call someone on lying about something that they claim may be possible or they may have done. Since no one knows when to call someone on it, clearly the thing to do is give them the benefit of the doubt, otherwise, they’re being hypocritical by claiming to believe in the paranormal, but also claiming that someone else can’t do something paranormal.

I think both of these groups have it wrong though. You can believe something is possible, while still being skeptical of it. I think this is currently the appropriate view to hold on many psychic abilities. I’ve said this in my disclaimer, but I believe psychic abilities exist, and think I’ve had some minor experiences with them. I’ve been informally studying and practicing them for around ten years now, but I still don’t know if I’ve been experiencing bona fide psychic abilities or simply coincidence and feeling things that aren’t there. Given that it would be a lot of coincidence for none of it to be real, I tend to lean toward thinking something is happening, but I also know people find significance in the things that do happen, while forgetting the things that don’t work out. So, for me, it’s still up in the air about whether they exist.

Furthermore, anything paranormal seems to get lumped together, but there are a large number of phenomena that need to be tested. It could turn out that some are real and some aren’t. For instance, maybe it’s possible to predict the future, yet not possible to spontaneously teleport across town. Both claims have been made. But there will need to be different tests for both claims, and one could be shown true while the other is shown false.

Finally, many skeptics like to argue by Occam’s Razor: the most likely explanation is the one you should use. So, whenever it turns out a psychic ability can be replicated by other means, such as cold reading or magnets, they assume that means the psychic ability doesn’t exist. Naturally, while this is sensible to avoid getting conned, it’s also quite reasonable to realize there’s more than one way to get the same result.

Of course, rabid supporters of the paranormal forget this important idea too. Just because it’s possible something is paranormal, doesn’t mean that it is. There are perfectly mundane reasons lots of seemingly paranormal things can happen, and you can’t just rule them out. Furthermore, there are people who will lie about what they can do. If they can pull it off convincingly, it could be for money, or it could just be for fame or to feel special.

I have two major tests I use when I think about whether or not some claim is plausible. One is to think about if it matches up with my own experiences. The other is to see how well it matches up with other claims. If it matches up pretty well, then I tend to think it’s fairly plausible, though I also know there are other reasons claims may match up, such as proliferation of these ideas across the internet. Of course, there are other factors to take into account as well. If it sounds too good to be true, or if it sounds like the idea being presented came out of a cartoon or rpg, that can seriously hurt the credibility of an idea. Of course, it doesn’t hurt to see which came first, the idea or the cartoon. If the idea came first, then it may still be valid, but if it came after, then it could just be someone who wants their favorite show to be real.

In the end, I think what’s important is to realize you need to think for yourself. Don’t have blind faith in anything. Use reason to think about the world around you. This doesn’t mean you can’t believe in all sorts of crazy things, but figure it out for yourself, and don’t rely solely on other people to tell you how it is. You’ll certainly need to hear other ideas, but by filtering them, reasoning, and coming to your own conclusions, you have a better chance of finding an answer without being conned.

Related Posts:

Paranormal, Psychic Abilities

Establishing a New Habit the Lazy Way

Apr 18th, 09 / 0 Comments

So there’s something you’d like to start doing more often, but you just can’t seem to find the motivation. Perhaps it just seems too daunting, or you don’t have the time for it. If you have a good deal of discipline, and want to make it a daily habit, you could try a 30 Day Trial. But perhaps you don’t want to establish a daily habit, and you aren’t sure how to carve time out of your busy schedule for such an endeavor anyway. I have an alternative that has worked well for me.

Deprive yourself of the activity you can’t motivate yourself to make a regular habit. I recently used this idea to start exercising regularly. An hour three days a week seemed like a big commitment to me. The truth is, it isn’t, but it felt like it would be. In fact, when I told myself I was going to work out for one hour three days a week, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. But, I did something different this time. I told myself I’m only going to do one half hour workout no more often than two days a week. That way, I won’t burn out on the activity.

Of course, there’s an interesting psychology at work here. I’m not allowed to work out more than two days a week. You know what you want to do when you aren’t allowed to work out? Suddenly, you want to work out! People want the forbidden fruit. I’ve been working out for a month now, and there’s no desire at all to stop. In fact, I want to work out more. I’ve already dropped my requirement for limiting exercise to a half hour each day I allow myself to exercise. I’m still maintaining the two days a week requirement for now, but I’ll likely drop it at some point, and do three days a week as is generally recommended.

Of course, this reverse psychology isn’t limited to just working out. You could do this for any habit you’d like to establish on a basis of a few times a week. Perhaps you want to start updating your website more often. Or spend a few days a week outside. Deprive yourself of it, and it will start to seem like something that’s really worth doing.

Of course, this still takes some discipline in it’s own way. You still have to actually get up and do something. However, if you miss a day, you can make it up later, or forget about it guilt free, because you haven’t broken any of the guidelines you set up. For me, it wasn’t frustrating to miss a work out going about it this way, because I wasn’t failing to meet my goal. Though later on it was frustrating to have missed that work out because it was one less workout I’d done, but engendering the desire to do so more often is the overarching goal of this. So it ended up feeding my want to work out more in the end.

This method won’t be for everyone. However, for some people, I imagine this will be an effective means to establish a new habit without a lot of up front effort. Forcing yourself to do something seems like work. If you force yourself to do the opposite of what you want, eventually you’ll establish the habit you want, because doing the habit you don’t want will just seem like too much effort.

Related Posts:

Personal Development

On Dating Advice and Stereotypes

Apr 14th, 09 / 0 Comments

I recently came across some online dating advice given to a woman who had just been dumped. You can read it at Why Would a Guy Keep in Touch After He Already Dumped Me? The gist of this advice? The guy most likely didn’t want to be tied down, but wanted a friends with benefits kind of relationship. This is certainly possible. The problem is that this is the only possibility Evan talked about in his piece.

There are a lot of reasons guys might want to keep in touch with an ex-girlfriend after a breakup. Certainly hope of continuing sex might be one of those reasons. Another one, and the reason I usually keep in touch afterward, is that it could be that the guy actually values the friendship he had with the woman he was dating. This might be a shocker to people who buy into all the stereotypes about men out there, but we have feelings too, and a relationship not working out doesn’t mean we don’t care. It means that we didn’t work out as a couple, or we’re confused about what we want, or any number of other possibilities. A third possibility is that after breaking up, the guy realized he did something really dumb in dumping the woman, and wants to get back together. He might also not know if it’s a good idea to do so, so he contacts the woman in question to get a feel for if she’d be open to that.

There are likely other possibilities I’m not thinking of here. The point is, some dating expert can’t just read a letter with such a common situation and pick out the most likely scenario, because relationships and people are too different. He did admit he could be wrong about this, but he also only offered one possibility of what the guy in this situation was thinking. And, it was also the possibility that fits common stereotypes. Why is this I wonder? Does he not want to think about the situation in more depth? Is he giving the answer least likely to cause the woman pain, even though if he’s wrong and she finds out, it could be even worse? Is he saying what he thinks the public wants to hear? Does he truly believe this is the way men are? I don’t know. But this kind of thing always baffles me.

Another possibility is that he was aiming to give a concrete answer, without simply saying it could be anything. Unfortunately, it really could be just about anything. The best thing anyone in a situation like this can do is talk to her partner about it. I’m not saying blind trust is a good idea, as he could indeed be trying to manipulate the situation to his advantage. But he does know himself best, so he’s the best person to talk to about what he feels. Besides which, if you’re looking for friendship or a return to a relationship, I should hope you have some measure of trust for the person you’re dealing with. You can still be careful, and still look for warning signs he might not be completely up front, but talking about things can be very helpful.

In the end, I really want people to keep in mind a couple things. Not all men are just after some easy sex. This is a common stereotype, but I know many men who deeply value their friendships and relationships, and it’s an unfair stereotype with which to judge a random person you’ve never met. The other point is the best way to find out what’s going on with someone else is to talk to that person. This requires some faith and trust, but many men really do have good intentions. Certainly get a second opinion, but try to get it from someone who understands that not all stereotypes are true of all people.

Related Posts:

Relationships

Do Something!

Apr 13th, 09 / 0 Comments

Sometimes, people just aren’t happy with where they are in life. This is more common for some people than others. When you’re unhappy with a situation, what do you do? Many people just find themselves talking about it and not doing anything to fix it. I know I’ve caught myself falling into this trap fairly often, though I’ve been getting better about it recently.

Now, I’m not saying talking about it isn’t a valid strategy to deal with a problem in the beginning. It’s good to get advice and see what other people think. But if you just complain about how things are, and you don’t do anything to change it, then what makes you think anything will change? If you don’t do anything, there’s no reason to expect anything will turn out differently.

Don’t like being around the house so often? Go outside. Call your friends and organize a gathering. Don’t have enough friends? Go meet new people… or at least get out of the house so someone new might have a chance of meeting you. Unhappy with your job? Look for a new one. Want to get fit? Eat better, exercise, or do both.

Obviously, some problems will be easier to fix than others. Finding a job in this economy is like finding fire at the north pole. Making friends is a bit easier, but someone who has a hard time with social issues may still find it difficult, and will have to put more effort into it than the natural party guy everyone likes. Just because a problem is hard doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try though. If you don’t try, nothing will change. If you do try, it’s still possible nothing will change, but it’s also possible you’ll find what you need to make the changes you want. Even if you only get one change out of a few you want, you’ll be doing better than you were before. And as you try more things, you have a better chance of finding another solution and getting closer to where you want to be. The absolute worst thing you can do is sit around and do nothing.

Naturally, you can break things down if you need to. If you’re looking for a job, then start with writing a resume, or  finding a few open jobs you’d like to apply to. Another day, write  a cover letter.  Still another day, gather references. And so on until you have everything you need. Then send in your application. If you’re looking to make friends, maybe the first step is just leaving the house. Don’t worry about anything else, just get outside your lair. Later, you might try approaching someone just to talk. If talking to someone you’ve never met is too much social pressure for you, go someplace with familiar people. If you’re a gamer like me, go to a gaming shop where they allow people to hang out and play. If you like writing, find a writer’s gathering in town where people share their writing. If you find people like you, and everyone knows you’re like them due to having your shared interest, it’s likely someone will approach you to talk.

In any case, it’s ok to do things in small chunks. Sometimes it’s the only way to keep them manageable. But start doing something. Even if you only spend 5-10 minutes at first, it will start you on the path to making a change. And that’s what this is all about. Unless you want things to stay the same of course. But if that’s the case, you had no reason to complain in the first place.

Related Posts:

Independence and Freedom

Finding My Beliefs

Apr 12th, 09 / 1 Comment

Religiously speaking, I used to identify myself as a Christian. This was mostly a label, as I don’t really believe the only way to salvation is through Jesus. I tended to identify as Christian more because I believe in a concept of God similar to that of the loving God many Christians follow. Jesus, I see as an enlightened teacher who was doing his best to bring us closer to said God. But I also think most religions have some truth to them, and they also have some damaging material in them, so I’m not big on organized religion for myself. I’m much bigger on looking for the truth myself, and on discussing beliefs with other people to see where they stand, and what I can learn from them.

I don’t hold to the idea that choosing the wrong religious beliefs will earn anyone a place in Hell. There are at least two religions I know of that in some way claim this to be true, Christianity and Islam. Now, I know not all followers of these faiths believe that, but some do. I’m not familiar enough with the holy books of either faith to know whether the written teachings support this stance, but I imagine there are some passages to support this idea, and others to discredit it, which seems to be true of religions on many issues. Though I don’t profess to know the mind of God, I can’t imagine a loving God would make us bet on our eternal afterlives without the information to make the right choice. As such, I find myself dismissive of the idea that one must choose the right religion to get into Heaven and avoid Hell.

Of course, that doesn’t mean I haven’t questioned my beliefs many times. I even recently found myself wondering if I was on the wrong path, and if I should choose a specific faith. After all, I don’t know what God truly expects, because I’ve never received a response from him on this issue with which I could definitively determine what I should do. Any response, assuming it is a response and not just me making one up, has been feelings that I am on the right path, and need to keep questioning. Just having a feeling about a belief that could turn out to be so important isn’t always comforting though. To resolve the issue, at least for a time, I decided to pray directly, something I don’t do often since God would know what I’m thinking anyway. I just laid out my concerns, and made clear I’m doing my best to find the right way, and left it at that. Of course, I’ve also questioned about whether or not any God exists, and if there might be more than one. I can’t think of any solid reason either alternative isn’t just as viable, but my current feeling still points me to one God, so that’s what I’m working with for now. There isn’t much else to do, except keep searching.

In terms of moral behavior, my beliefs align much closer to Wiccan and common secular thinking: so long as I’m not harming anyone by my behavior, it’s ok to go forward with it. Harm in this sense can be physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, or any other category I may have missed. The idea is there is freedom to do what you want, so long as you don’t deny anyone else their freedom to do as they wish and be safe. Naturally, it gets more complicated than that, but as a basic outline, I think it works pretty well.

I also think that religion has to make room for science. Religion and spirituality are about trying to explain what we don’t know and can’t prove. If it turns out we can show something to be true or likely to be true scientifically, then generally speaking, religion ought to be revised to make room for this knowledge. I’m not claiming science is always right, but it has done a lot of good for us, and the body of knowledge we have aquired from science has been very reliable for us in it’s use. Religious knowledge has been quite a bit more hit and miss. I definitely think there is religious and spiritual truth to be found, just that we won’t find it all in one place, and we won’t find it if we don’t acknowledge other truths found in our world.

Related Posts:

Religion, Spirituality

Human Automation

Apr 11th, 09 / 0 Comments

I was musing to myself at work a few days ago. I realized that much of the time I’m working, the job I do requires absolutely no thinking. When it gets busy, I need to think how to prioritize tasks, but that’s it. Aside from that bit of thinking, the work I do most days can all be done on autopilot.

Now, certainly, this leaves lots of time for thinking, which is useful to have. I don’t seem to have enough of that these days. But then again, it also gives me the feeling of being a human cog in a machine to get a job done. I’ve felt this way about having a job for a long time, though I’m attempting to find a way of dealing with that problem. One way I’m doing this is to find a new job that feels a bit more meaningful. The other is by working on my websites, attempting to build them up to the point that I don’t need a job in the first place. I love writing, and fiddling with technical stuff, so it’s lots of fun to do this.

That’s a little off topic though. The point is, this feeling about being a cog in a machine is a fairly common feeling among the employed, though it’s by no means universal. Some people have their dream jobs, and they’ll never have cause to feel this way. Some people are being cogs, and just haven’t woken up to that yet. And some are in my position, aware, but not sure how to fix it, other than look for a new way that will help meet their needs. How did we get to this point though?

The truth is, we’ve always needed to do some work. Everything living needs to do some work in order to live. We need food and shelter from the elements simply to survive, so the work to obtain that is the minimum needed. Procreation also requires work (though we can probably classify some aspects of that as fun), and that is also required if we’ll live on as a species. Beyond that, we don’t need anything else.

These days, we do a lot more work, because we look to have a lot more stuff. Some of this stuff is really cool, and serves a useful or entertaining pupose. Some of it is neither cool, useful, or entertaining. We need to manufacture it somehow, and while machines can do some of that work, people need to do the rest. This means we need fewer people to provide all the food, so other people can provide all the toys. This makes more work for everyone, since we provide for ourselves and a bunch of other people. Someday, perhaps machinery will take over doing any work necessary for our survival, but that may come with it’s own problems, such as deciding on distribution of goods, and how to deal with the machinery breaking down.

Either way, we need a way to break free of the machine, and that’s where finding a job you love or getting your own business started comes in. It’s not foolproof, and obviously I’m still working on getting any one of those to work out for me. You can also look for ways to live minimally in order to work less as well, leaving you with more time to pursue living life.

It feels absolutely crazy to spend so much of life just working, and not living. We go to school for six hours a day for 13 years, do at least an hour a night of homework for four of them, then work eight hours a day for another 45 years. Some tack on four or  more extra years of schooling to that as well. Where does it end? When do we get to live? Do we not get to enjoy our youth without worrying about how to pay the bills?

I’m not taking that path. I know it’s possible to do otherwise, and I’m going to do everyhing I can to work less and play more while meeting my needs and those of any family I may need to support along the way. I haven’t found the solution that works for me yet, but I’ll get there. Perhaps this very site will be it, perhaps it won’t. I don’t know yet. But I’m not doing a 40, 50, 60 hour workweek for the next 40 years, unless I find something I can really enjoy for that time, and that allows good vacation time.

The one thing I’ve learned is there are a lot of strategies out there, and some work for some people better than for others. You really do need find your own way if you want it to work. That doesn’t mean there won’t be useful tools and learning experiences to be gained from others. For instance, the blogging software I use is created and maintained by WordPress, and the inspiration to try blogging came from 10 Reasons You Should Never Get a Job. But I’m finding out how to make this all work for me, and I may come to find out I need another strategy if this doesn’t work out in the end. My original site, Gaming My Way, was my first foray into blogging, and also a manifestation of my childhood dream to work with video games in some way. It’s been going for a year now, and I still work on it sometimes, but I’m also still experimenting with other ideas for now.

In any case, I’m not going to be a robot at my job forever. I will move on, and I will find the time to live my life, and not just work it all away.

Related Posts:

Independence and Freedom, Jobs

The Importance of Money

Apr 7th, 09 / 0 Comments

Lots of self-help people like to say that money isn’t everything, or money isn’t important. I can certainly see the point they’re making, and I’ll certainly agree that money isn’t everything. However, I will argue that money is important, and while it won’t guarantee anything, it will help a lot when it comes to happiness too.

The thing to remember is that, like many things, money is a tool, and how you use it will determine a lot. While money itself won’t make you happy, here are some things it will help provide that may help on the way to being happy: personal freedom, comfortable living, independence, and the ability to go out and do fun activities. Certainly, you don’t need money for any of these things, but it will make them all a lot easier to come by, as well as give you more options.

Of course, your goals will determine a lot, and you still need to have the right mindset. Sacrificing your life to earning money won’t make you any happier than you would be without the money, and might even make you worse off. But with the right balance between earning and enjoying yourself, it can be beneficial to getting the most out of life, and I think it’s positively silly when self-help people admonish us not to worry about the money.

Definitely think about other things, and certainly think about what you would do if you didn’t need to worry about money. Certainly even go ahead and do whatever you can of those things you would do without worrying about money. I completely agree with this part of the message. But saying it’s not important at all is ignoring the society we live in. Unless you can independently provide yourself with food, shelter, and the kind of entertainment you enjoy, you will need money at some point, and thinking about how to get it isn’t a bad thing. Obsessing over it might be harmful, such as looking to amass more and more money without understanding why you want it.

I’m currently in a low money situation, but I’m happy because I have enough to meet my needs, I have my friends, and I have my hobbies.

I also know I still want to earn more money, because it will be a way for me to improve my situation and that of those around me. I’m working on that part. Here are some reasons why having more money would be helpful:

-I could live on my own.
-I could help out friends who are having difficulty meeting their needs more often.
-I could afford some luxuries that I would enjoy, most specifically a Wii and a few games. This would also let me practice Super Smash Bros. Brawl more often and give me a chance to compete in any local tournament that comes up with a chance of winning.
-I wouldn’t have to watch my money when I want to go out with friends, and could just enjoy the night without thinking about every dollar I spend.

Now, none of these are necessary for my happiness. As I said, I’m quite happy as things are now. However, being able to do those things I listed would improve the quality of my life. In particular, living on my own would allow me to have guests whenever I wished, which makes it easier to have social gatherings, something I particularly enjoy. Once I’ve figured out a good way to earn money for myself, I can also help my friends do the same as well, and help get them to the point where they can meet all their needs.

The point is, I know what the money will actually do for me. It would provide me with more independence, a few luxuries I would like, the ability to help out more often, and fewer things to worry about. So I’m not just mindlessly seeking it, and I think that’s the trick. You need to know what money can do for you, and what you need to do for yourself in other ways. Money won’t give you confidence or self-esteem, at least not beyond a certain level. It won’t provide you with true friends, though it might give you the time and freedom to pursue more friendships.

Now, obviously, having money doesn’t ensure happiness, and lack of money doesn’t insure a lack of happiness. But I’m willing to bet that meeting your needs and living comfortably and independently is a good first step for anyone.

Related Posts:

Independence and Freedom

The Smart Kid

Apr 7th, 09 / 0 Comments

Growing up, I was the smart kid. When I say that, I don’t mean to say I was smarter than everyone else. Rather, I was the one who had the reputation for being smart. I was the recluse, had few friends (though they were very good friends), and got good grades. In short, I fit the stereotype.

If you looked around the class, you would find plenty of people who were as smart as me academically. They had other characteristics that garnered more attention though, so smart kid fell to me. At first, I really liked being the smart kid. After all, I was interested in how things work, and figuring that out always gave me a sense of accomplishment. With the free time I had not being out with friends all the time, it was a simple matter to put in the effort to do well on my work.

Now, this reputation of being the smart kid followed me through middle school and high school. The thing is, I struggled just like everyone else. Yes, I was good at math and most sciences, but everything else was quite a lot of effort for a very long time. And in my experience, most people have one or two subjects that they do well with, so that’s also quite normal. But, with the lack of a social life, I had lots of time to put into getting work done well.

Over time though, I developed more of a social life. This still didn’t get in the way of me getting my work done, as I was still quite a recluse, so I saw most of my friends fairly infrequently.

Towards the end of high school though, there was a change. I decided I wanted a social life, and that was going to be a priority for me. I stepped out a bit, took some chances when it came to making friends, and put them before anything else I might have to do. At first, this was easy, and I had the time for them and for work and everything went on as normal, except I was seeing friends a lot more often.

Of course, this couldn’t last. There came a point in time where I had to choose what to put first, my friends or my schoolwork. Since I’d already decided that my friends would be my first priority from that point on, I put my schoolwork on hold. Which is to say, I did the work without putting in much effort, and decided I’d be happy with B’s knowing that I wasn’t trying on the work. If I thought a teacher wasn’t grading an assignment, I didn’t do it at all. I ended up with a couple of C’s due to these strategies, but that was ok, because what I was really interested in was my social life.

Due to my focus on my social life, it picked up a lot, and I learned a lot in the short time I had left in school. Oddly enough, even with my slipping grades, I maintained, without trying, my reputation as one of the smart kids. I guess once you have a reputation, it follows you for a long time.

In fact, I chose my college based first around where I thought I could grow the most socially. Naturally, I also wanted to get a good academic education, since that’s what I was paying for, but my social goals still were first in my mind. This meant two things: I had to choose a school away from home, and I decided to choose a school with a reputation for being a party school.

There was a purpose behind that choice, and it wasn’t to party away from home so my parents wouldn’t find out. Rather, I chose to be away from home because it would force me to make new friends on my own, something I hadn’t had to do since middle school. I chose to go to a “party school” because, while I wasn’t looking to go to parties all the time, I figured it would still have a lively community, something that would be helpful in making friends.

It turns out that this was right, and I made a lot of friends very quickly once I arrived. So, I achieved my primary goal of making a lot of friends, and I still graduated and earned my degree while doing so. Perhaps this isn’t the standard reasoning people use while choosing a school, but it worked for me, and I got what I needed out of my education on both social and academic fronts.

So what’s my point in saying all of this? Well, first, and least noticeable in this piece, is that your reputation follows you through the school system up through high school. Once it’s established, there isn’t much you can do about it unless you’re vocal enough to change it. I didn’t care one way or the other, so I didn’t bother.

My next point is that those who everyone perceives as smart or talented usually work for it, even if it doesn’t seem like it. Just because it doesn’t look like they put in any effort, doesn’t mean they don’t. In my case, once I didn’t have time to waste on all the work I got, I triaged ruthlessly to cut out all the stuff I didn’t need to do. So, it looked like I was putting in little effort to get good grades, but I was gaming the system in a way, putting in effort where needed and not trying where not needed. Before that happened, I just put a lot of effort into everything. And gaming the grading system takes some effort too, but there’s a great payoff in the return you get.

Finally, it would have been entirely possible for me to maintain my grades while building my social skills. The problem was, it would have taken a lot longer to do so, and I would have missed a lot of chances to make new friends or develop friendships I already had. So I made the choice to sacrifice work a bit for the sake of friends, but I certainly didn’t have to. It was simply the way I wanted to go about meeting my goals.

Related Posts:

Sponsored Link
Reputation and Societal Perceptions

Speak Up

Apr 7th, 09 / 2 Comments

It’s time for believers to speak up. So I’m stepping forward now. I believe in God. I also think it’s everyone else’s right to choose what they believe. Whether they believe in a single god, many gods, or no gods at all. Or if they don’t know what to believe and decide it’s best not to take a stance. Until we have proof one way or the other (something I find unlikely to happen), it’s up to us to choose our beliefs, and search for the truth in whatever way we think best.

There is a caveat to this though. We must do so in a way that harms no one else, and we must be respectful of everyone else’s beliefs. It’s hard to come up with hard and fast rules, because people can be really touchy about religion. I think the best we can do is accept that some people will be offended by religious discussion, and do our best not to offend anyone while still speaking up and making ourselves heard. I think as long as we make the effort, most people will be willing to meet us half way. Yes, the heathen atheists and crazy people with friends in the sky can all get along if we just try to see things from the other point of view… and do so in a way where we give them the benefit of the doubt in assuming that they are rational and moral people, regardless of their religious beliefs, or lack thereof. Atheists aren’t amoral heathens, and those who believe in God aren’t crazy. Sure, both groups have people that fit those descriptions, but those are symptoms of being human, not the choice of religion they made.

Atheists, when you see people bashing religion, speak up. Religious people, when you see people giving atheists a hard time, speak up. Defend each other, not because you agree, but because you recognize their right to disagree, just as they’ll be recognizing your right to disagree. You don’t have to agree with a group to defend their rights. Just recognize they have a legitimate position.

Naturally, this isn’t intended to say you can’t state opposition to a belief system. Just do so respectfully, and call people out when they aren’t respectful about it. Maybe if we could all do this, we wouldn’t be stuck in a huge culture war between the different religious groups in our country.

Related Posts:

Religion

Some Thoughts On Gay Rights and Gay Marriage

Apr 7th, 09 / 0 Comments

While I’m a supporter of gay rights, I can’t say I’ve been particularly involved in the community. That is to say, while I’ve always defended their rights in conversation with others, I’ve never been involved in any organized effort. But, I feel the need to share a few views here that I hope might help, though it’s entirely possible that this has been thought of already.

First, regarding civil unions and marriage, this whole deal with using separate terminology isn’t going to work. Separate terms lead to separate classes of citizenry. Certainly, having civil unions could be called progress, but it also sets a double standard. None of this is anything new to the movement. I saw an idea on a piece on the Huffington Post that I really liked though: for all couples, heterosexual, homosexual, or any other lifestyle, make civil unions the legal form of marriage, the contract that two people enter into, and have it accessible to any two people. The term marriage will then be reserved purely for religious and spiritual purposes, and will be unregulated by the state. There are plenty of churches and religious groups who would perform a marriage ceremony for homosexual couples. And the marriage would be all about spiritual laws, while the civil union would be what is used to insure all legal rights that are currently reserved for marriage.

Of course, this won’t happen overnight, though I hope to see it happen someday. In the meantime, I have a suggestion for homosexual couples who are up for it. Get married anyway. Then, whenever it’s not a legal issue (for instance, don’t claim you’re married on your taxes, it won’t go well), tell everyone that you’re married to your partner. If they talk about the legality of it, simply explain that while it’s not a legal marriage, you are spiritually married and that marriage is recognized by your religious group, even if not by the state. Make it a point to use the term marriage, because as more people do so, it will undermine groups who want to define marriage as between a man and a woman. If everyone else uses the term marriage for all couples, it will come to be seen that way. Then, it will be easier to claim your right to marry legally as well as spiritually. If this were successful enough, it might not even be necessary to separate marriage and civil unions the way I described above, though I still think it would be a good idea, simply to have the secular issues dealt with secularly and the religious issues dealt with religiously.

I’m certainly aware that some couples wouldn’t want to do this. For some, they don’t like their relationship being in the open due to societal pressure. For others, they want to enjoy their relationship instead of spending their life pushing and pushing for equal rights. And there are certainly other valid reasons people might have for not doing this. The point is, for those who are in the right kind of committed relationship, and don’t have issues about being vocal about it, proclaiming their spiritual marriage will hopefully help make people see marriage as valid for all couples as time goes on.

Related Posts:

Social Justice

Job Market Dishonesty

Apr 7th, 09 / 2 Comments

Perhaps I shouldn’t be writing this as I’m still looking for a job. I feel a need to do so though. I will add one caveat: I know this doesn’t apply to absolutely every job-seeker or employer, but it covers a large number of them, and enough so I don’t feel it’s likely any job-seeker can get away from it.

Is it just me, or does the job market reek of dishonesty and shadiness? Think about it for a minute. Everyone acts “professional” for job interviews, even though it’s nothing like the real person. You kill your personality for the sake of “professionalism.” Is this really what employers want and need? I doubt it, yet it’s what they promote by looking for people who look “professional.”

What they need are people who know how to do the job. You know, actual professionals, not people who know how to play the part. This means they should look for qualifications, not appearances. I know this is likely to never happen in our world, but I suppose I can dream. For now, I obviously play the game too, but it really feels wrong to me, like I’m lying to get the job. There’s a part of me always saying in the back of my mind that this isn’t who I am. Perhaps my problem is that I can’t get rid of that voice, but honestly, I wouldn’t want to. Then I might lose myself.

Of course, employers are also guilty of lying in the ways everyone is socially conditioned to accept. They’re masters of the art of not giving a straight answer. Want that interview? Sure, they’ll call and let you know. By which they mean they won’t call, and you should call them again to show interest and initiative. Looking for people to show initiative is all well and good, but don’t lie about your intent guys. If you want people to call you, don’t tell them you’re going to call them. I know this isn’t how it works, but it always feels wrong to call back when they said they’d call you, like you’re breaking a request they made. This is exactly what they expect you to do though. Why hire someone who won’t give you the time to make the decisions you need to make though? Obviously, the request was made for a reason.

Then, they also want to keep you in the dark about salaries, wages, and benefits. This creates another dance of dishonesty, usually giving the employer the power in this case. Since you don’t know what they pay everyone else, you have to guess. Guess too low, you get a job that pays you less than you’re worth. Guess too high, they’ll hire someone else. Guess in the right range, and they might try to talk you down before hiring you. And research doesn’t always give you reliable results about what you should be earning either, so even if you’re prepared it’s still a guessing game. In any case, without honesty, there’s a need to pad what you think you should be earning with just the right extra so you can be talked down to what you want to earn. Is this really the way we want to do business? Shouldn’t we just lay out our expectations out front so everyone knows what we get out of the deal? Wouldn’t this be the sane way to do business? Still, I at least understand this particular layer of dishonesty. It’s all about getting the most money out of the deal.

I honestly don’t expect I’ll ever have my own business involving lots of employees. I don’t like to be in charge of other people or to delegate responsibility, so anything I do decide to start, I’ll likely try to do as a one man show, possibly with a friend or two as a partner. Still, in the event I ever do end up in charge of a business with lots of employees, I know I’ll have a very different hiring process than is the norm.

I just get irritated by the social expectations being so ingrained in everyone. Just be honest. Seriously. Say what you want and expect. Be clear. Don’t tell us you’ll do things that you won’t do. How are we supposed to trust you if that’s your hiring strategy? For once, just run an honest business at every level, both internally and externally. I know I’ve likely just scratched the surface, but frankly, these are the most irritating layers of dishonesty that are tied up in our society’s standard hiring and job-seeking practices.

Related Posts:

Jobs, Social Norms